He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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