It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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