So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
