i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
