butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My ass is underappreciated
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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