I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Damn victory sex feels great
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
