dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize