he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
