So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
