New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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