well I can't set my house on fire every night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
