I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
