man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Shame is for Republicans.
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