it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
