i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
