Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
