I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize