he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
