they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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