Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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