I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
