I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
