maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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