I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
