dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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