I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
