Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
