Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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