My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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