Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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