i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
