Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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