dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
