Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
