walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize