Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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