I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
