Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
