I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
