she woke up with a sticky ear
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I color on your dick again?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
