I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize