when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
