I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
