Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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