i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
