Nicole vs. Life
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
