remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
