The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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