Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
