Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
