i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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