Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
