I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
