YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
