hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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