TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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