Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
