Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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