Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize