now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
