I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
even my farts smell like vagina
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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