It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this boner is exhausting
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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