you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
