He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
