I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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