Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize