Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
