did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
