What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
