somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
