Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
