I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
