Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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