yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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