My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
