He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
