i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
