Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
