did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
