i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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