Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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