How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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