I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
