I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
